Adrenaline the Pain

Posted by on Jul 10, 2012 in Healing | 0 comments

When I was two weeks into my freshman year of college I was riding around town with a friend on a bicycle.  We had been riding for about 3 hours by the time we were near his home.  We hadn’t eaten dinner and we ran out of water about half way into our bike ride.  When we were getting closer to my friends apartment we decided to race back to his apartment.  We were going about 20-25 miles an hour. We came to the Design Building where the sidewalk splits and he veered to the left and I veered to the right.  It was about nine o’clock in the evening at this point and the sun had already set.  What we didn’t know is that the construction company that was going to be remodeling the Design Building had put fences around the perimeter of the building, which included the sidewalks, which we were riding our bikes on.  The construction company had failed to put up warning signs or lights to warn us of the sidewalks and we couldn’t see anything in front of us.  My friend rode his bike right into the fence and I saw it right before and slammed on my breaks.  I went flying over my handlebars and my bike went flying about 15-20 feet and hit the fence.  I hit the cement with my shoulder and head.  I broke my collarbone, fractured my elbow, bruised my jawbone, and ripped my ear part way off.

I don’t remember much of the first moments after the accident, but I do remember asking if my friend was okay and trying to get up.  I was told later on that I complained about my shoulder hurting, but my adrenaline was working really well and I couldn’t remember the pain that I was in at the time.

I was extremely dehydrated and couldn’t eat anything because of my jawbone being bent out of shape.  That night I woke up to use the restroom and when I was returning to my room I fainted and fell to the ground.  At that point I couldn’t get up on my own.  I yelled out for help and my poor father had to help me out.  The bad part was he pulled on my arms to get me up.  I’m sure that didn’t help with the initial healing process.

I stayed home for a few days and then went back to the dorm.  I had to switch my classes around because I was riding my bike to an English class that was now too far away for me to get to by walking.  The new English teacher didn’t have much leniency with me.  I needed to write a one-page paper about myself and there wasn’t much of an extension regardless of my circumstance.  At the time I didn’t know that my right elbow was fractured.  I was having trouble writing but wasn’t sure why.

A week after the accident I was returning home from writing the English paper, which took me hours to write because I didn’t have the use of either of my arms.  It was late and all the doors were locked.  I was tired and weary.  I tripped on the stairs and ended up re-breaking my collarbone and re-fracturing my elbow.  That time I felt the pain.  It was intense.   I wasn’t able to open the heavy dorm doors, so I had to pound on the door (it has been too long for me to remember how) but the girl on the floor, whom didn’t like me, opened the door for me and helped me call my parents.  They came to the dorm to pick me up and take me to the emergency room.  At this point I found out that I had a fractured elbow.  So they gave me a brace that would help me not use my arms.

This was a pretty humbling time of my life because I couldn’t dress myself, carry anything heavy, and write anything, open doors, drive, or anything else on my own.  My poor roommate had to help me shower and dress.  I had a friend drive me to a few of my classes, carry my backpack, and take notes for me.  The positive side was I got a handicap pass for the school year.  I was out of work for a month and the construction company paid me for the time lost.

There is something else I have learned over the years from this story.  I am reminded of it all the time.  When people go through a physical trauma our body produces adrenaline to help cover up the pain.  If we felt the pain without the adrenaline it would be too much to bare.  It’s too much of a shock to the system and would almost paralyze us.  I believe that God does the same thing for us when we go through emotional traumas as well.

Let me explain.  When I was going through my divorce and everything else that went along with that emotional trauma I didn’t experience everything at once.  I believe that God allowed little bits to come at a time because if everything was revealed at the same time or experienced all at once it would have been too much for me to handle.  Now at the time it felt like too much and I wondered why all the crap kept coming and wouldn’t end.  But looking back I see it as a blessing to have it spread out over a period of time.  It gave me time to heal one wound before having all the other wounds were revealed to me.

Eventually the scabs come to cover up the wound, but the insides still need to heal.  The body and our emotional state (depending on which we are referring to) are fragile and can only handle so much at a time.  I believe we need to give ourselves more time to heal the insides and not focus on the scabs on the outside.  There is a reason why doctors say to take all two weeks of a medicine even though you are feeling better after three days.  The bacteria are still there it is just weakened.  If you don’t take all of the medicine your body will stay sick longer.

It has been over four years since I have been officially divorced.  God continually shows me areas of my life that need to be worked on.  Some areas were weakened by the divorce and they have needed time to strengthen and heal so that I can be stronger than I was before.  Some areas were weak before I even married and affected my marriage.   The divorce heightened those weak areas and has needed a lot of extra attention and time.  We all don’t heal the same way nor do we heal at the same rate.  My caution: Don’t rush the healing process!   It is worth being patient through the healing process.  I have never been happier in my life.  My collarbone still is crooked and my ear has a scar where it was sewn up, but they are stronger than they were before.  I have scars from the divorce, but they have made me into the woman of God that God has created me to be.  Divorce has not defined who I am but certainly has shaped me into a beautiful creature of my Heavenly Father!

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