Single Again?

Singleness is something I think all of us struggle with at one point in our lives or another.  I currently am surrounded by single people; as I am single myself.  We all seem to strive to find answers for our singleness.  Is it because I’m not attractive enough?  Rich enough?  Educated enough?  Available enough?  Young enough?  Athletic enough?  Skinny enough?  Buff enough?  The reasons, possibilities, and combinations of those possibilities are endless and we can stress out over them to find answers.  We have people asking us the same questions as if we knew the answers.  Maybe we are keeping ourselves single for a reason.  Maybe we are pushing people away because we have been hurt in the past and we don’t want that to happen again.  For whatever reason we come up with that we are single we forget that there is a God who may have some say in this.

As I have pondered this question over the past few years, I have come to a few comforting conclusions and/or discoveries that help me to come back to contentment anytime there is a question of my singleness.

In Genesis 2, God made Adam.  Before Adam was given his primary job, God made the conclusion that “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him” Genesis 2:18.  At this point God then gives Adam his first job, to name the animals.  As he did what God had called him to do, he noticed that there was no suitable helper for himself.  There are two things that I take away from this.  One, God decided before Adam even knew that he was alone that it would be good for Adam to have someone.  Two, Adam did the job that God had created him to do before he realized that he was alone.  What this means to me is that God knows your desires and has placed them in your heart.  It also means that we, especially men, need to have a job.  Men, establish yourselves before pursuing after a relationship.  Know who you are and what you want so that you may be able to be the provider that you long to be.  Women, don’t wait around for the possibility of marriage.  It is more attractive to men if you are pursuing after your own dreams and aspirations.  You don’t know what God has in store and how long you will have to wait.  Do as God has called you to do and only then will God truly bless you with a husband or for men, a wife that is deserving of your love.

There was a time that Adam was –in a sense- discontent in his circumstances.  His eyes were opened for a little while to show what was to come.  At this point, God made Adam go into a deep sleep so that God could create Eve.  When Eve was prepared and/or complete, God brought Eve to Adam at which point Adam’s eyes were open.  There are two things that I take from this as well.  One, that God may blind our eyes to the person that He is preparing for us while they are prepared for our own good.  This is not to say that we ourselves are not being prepared as well.  Why? It is possible because we as humans like to take things in our own hands and ruin things.  Another possibility is because we may rush things before the person is fully prepared and difficulty and troubles may be a result of our impatience.  It is a time of learning to be content.  It is a time to depend on God for our companionship.  Two, God brought Eve to Adam.  Ladies, stop pursuing the men.  I know this may sound not twenty-first century, but ask any man –not lazy man-boy- and they will say they like the chase.  They like to pursue the woman.  Men, pursue the woman.  She wants to be pursued. Make your intentions known.  It will make things go so much better if you do.

When Eve was brought to Adam, he was amazed at what he saw.  If only, we could all be patient and wait for what God is preparing for us.  We would not be disappointed.  I have made the mistake of rushing into relationships and/or making a relationship happen on my time.  It has only led to disaster and heart break. Thankfully the Lord is the master healer and has graciously brought me out of my own doings.  If I had waited upon the Lord for God’s best, I may not have ended up in the messes I created for myself.  The Lord is the creator, which means he knows what you need, when you need it and with whom you need it.  Some may ask if there is only one right person for each person and how is that even possible when people make mistakes and marry the wrong person all the time?  That is a very good question.  I am not going to go into a philosophical debate in this blog over this issue.  All I am trying to say is that if you are willing to wait for God’s best (as well as become God’s best for someone else) and not rush into things, He will bring someone or maybe several someone’s along who is best suited for you.  At which point you have a choice.

So in the meantime, take advantage of your singleness.  Here are a few things I have done to pass the time of waiting:

  • Continually refining myself through the Lord
  • Obtained a Master’s degree
  • Traveled the world
  • Participated in several different ministries or ministry opportunities
  • Gone on two mission trips
  • Established myself financially
  • In the process of training for a triathlon
  • In the process of starting my own business
  • Continually establishing deeper friendships
  • Participated in many family events
  • Helping other families with their children and family needs

I am sure the list could go on and on, but I made a decision not to stop living just because I was single.  Singleness is a gift just as much as marriage is.  Marriage has its own troubles, so focus on where God has you now.  Marriage will not solve your problems it will only enhance them or add to them.  If you are miserable as a single person you will be miserable as a married person.